by Moraia Tafla

I am in a war. There, I said it out loud. This is no "unrest" , these are no "border skirmishes". This is WAR. And I live on the edge of the front. "collateral damages and casualties " happen a few miles from me, in The Kerayot, Haifa Nazareth and Nahariya. They happen a few meters away from my dear ones. So far all of them are safe, have either fled the region or stay inside their sheltered areas, away from windows and outer walls. We have a curious practice that we call "head count" we phone all of our friends and dear ones to see that nothing happened to them. One hears the worry in their voice, the relief. "It fell 200 meters from us." , " I was there just a minute ago." " It fell in my sister's neighbourhood" ," My brother was on the ship that was hit by the Hizbollah rocket ."

The Hizbollah lace their bombs with little iron balls, to inflict as much injury and damage as can possibly be done. A friend of mine from Haifa showed me a few he picked up from his garden. Closer… getting closer… The irony is that it is not my first war, and unfortunately I am quite convinced it will not be my last. I remember the Gulf war and the uncertainty of being bombed with chemical rockets or not, walking around with our kits with masks and the Atropine syringes all the time, just in case the nerve gas hits. I remember the young kids walking around with their decorated boxes, making it seem as normal as anything.

The kids…This is my first war with kids. I have two amazing boys, 12 and 8. Having their lives disrupted, hearing the bombs fall, hearing the sirens, running to shelters, staying inside, not being able to go to their day camps, having to take refuge in quieter areas of the country, having to worry about whether their friends or mommy or dad are Ok. It tears me apart that they have to be exposed to this misery. The news is on at all times, the fighter jets and the helicopters from the Ramat David base fly non stop over our heads. The dull thuds of bombs are heard all day and night. Even when it is quiet we here them. Or do we just imagine every boom is a rocket?

After two rockets fell within a mile from us my ex husband decided to take the kids to friends in Ra'anana. I stayed in Shimshit, my normally quiet, rural village. It was unbearable being apart from them in these times. When my ex wanted to go back north to work, I refused to have the kids return to the area. The centre of the country is one and a half hour's drive and a zillion light years away. It is a different country all together. People go to the beach, watch movies, go to restaurants and to the zoo. Kids play outside…Outlandish stuff for people up north. Again, I am with the lucky ones who live on the edge of the front, but people under constant bombardments have their freedom taken away completely. Having immigrated 21 years ago from The Netherlands on my own, and having no family in Israel, I found myself suddenly dealing with desperately wanting to keep my kids safe, and having no real place to go. That day is etched in my brain. Not wanting them to return to a place I felt they were unsafe, and not knowing how to keep them in the centre of the land out of harm's way. I have seldomly felt so alone in my life.

I guess this is when one finds the greatness of this amazing country .I have not often seen a people so willing to help out. Kol Israel Arevim Ze Le Zeh…We are all responsible for one another. It sounds very schmaltzy, I know, but just when I felt I had nowhere to turn, SMS's, phonecalls and mails kept coming in, even from people I hardly know, offering us to stay with them. I did in the end stay in Kibbutz Horshim with my ex's cousin for four days, and made it our annual holiday. I smile when I think of it that for them, it was their week touring the centre and having fun. I am back again in the Emek, I love this place. I hear the bombs from afar, thinking of my friends that are still in the shelters, of friends who are separated from their kids, having to go to work here and not willing to have their children under fire. The kids… They make this situation so unbearable….The kids….

Hoping for quiet days soon.